So, I have begun creating a list of things in my home that are made from wood and never used.
1. Bathroom Doors - With a wife and children, the concept of privacy is lost. These doors have really become decoration and a place behind which to stash the last little bit of clutter before guests arrive. I've decided that with two bathrooms in the house, they would provide about 60% of the material needed for my project. And, frankly, when I do actually shut the door, it is only a matter of time before there are knocks and squeals coming from the other side, along with tiny little fingers poking underneath while the handle jiggles. Someday, I'm sure, they'll finally figure out that I'm not actually doing anything in there, but, rather, just taking a break from the constant barrage of questions, demands, and abuse. And, to be clear, I mean abuse from the kids, not my wife (She would beat me senseless if I implied to the public that she physically abused me). Let's face it, as parents, we love our kids unconditionally. We try to be friends with our kids; playing with them, talking to them, listening to them. But our kids could care less. What kind of friend would walk into your bedroom and dump milk right in the middle of your mattress and walk out? They are mean, rude selfish little people. Children are the world's worst roommates. They break your stuff, eat your food, never pick up after themselves, expect rides every where and barge in on you when you're trying to use the bathroom. But we love them. And, so, there is very little we can do except just take the abuse and try to find a small hiding place for twenty minutes at a time.
2. The Kid's Dresser Drawers - These things are not pointless. And they are used. I know they are, because I distinctly remember placing the clothes into the drawers. But, it seems that a poltergeist has taken over my children's rooms. If I were to spend an entire weekend reorganizing the drawers and ensuring that every article of clothing is folded perfectly and placed exactly where it belongs, it wouldn't seem to matter. Twenty minutes after I am finished, the clothes somehow end up strewn about the floor and hanging out of the drawers. It's as if the furniture piece was out all night on a sweater and t-shirt bender and is now waking up in a pool of it's own sick. "I promise, I'll never do that again! I'm going to be clean and sober for ever! I'm so sorry!" And, just like the good little enabler that I am, I clean it all up and tell the dresser that everything will be okay and that it's not his fault; that he was just made that way. The very next day, however, he's right back into his shenanigans and I can hear the retching and the sickly plop of pajama bottoms and blue jeans all through the night. So, why not an intervention? And, by "intervention," I mean, "Why not just chop it up into tiny pieces and use it for good instead of evil."
3. Cribs and Toddler Beds - While they may look sweet and can really tie the room together, these are probably the most unnecessary items in the house. I have slept through until morning in James' bed more times than he has. Seriously. There have been many a nights when I will fall asleep in his bed while putting him down, only to wake up in the morning by myself. I will, of course, find him on my side of our bed with his head on my pillow and his drool on my pillow case while being snuggled by his mother. Honestly, though, I can say that those have been the best nights of sleep I've gotten in the last three years. Probably, because, I am not awoken by tiny feet tap dancing on my trachea and tiny fists pounding me in the kidneys periodically throughout the night. I've actually slept in a raccoon's den with hot dogs in my pants before (Don't ask. It's a long story) and woke up with less physical damage to my body than that little guy provides me on a nightly basis.
4. The Dining Room Table - Let's face it, a dining room is just a glorified "junk drawer." If there is a flat surface anywhere in this room, it is probably covered with junk mail and half-finished "projects." The real dining room is the living room. My wife and I even have little chairs that are the perfect height for little people to sit at the coffee table to eat their food. In fact, they are even designing coffee table sets with actual stools that can nest underneath them.
So, I believe that by cutting out these "unnecessary" pieces from my house, I could easily provide the materials needed to build the entertainment center. And this thought process has kick started other money saving "re-purposing" techniques. I wonder how my wife would feel about using the soles of her shoes that she hasn't worn since we met as material to re-shingle the garage roof? Keep your eyes on Pintrest for that little project. Or maybe the local news. We'll have to wait and see...
