Attention!

The following is an important message from the M.E.N. (Male Emergency Network). This is not a test:

As you men may know, we have an unspoken agreement with women. They, being more organized and better thought out than us, will occasionally find a project for us to do around the house.

"Move this here."

"Hang this picture."

"Paint that blue."

And we do it, but only in exchange for the belief that we are actually in charge of the household (an illusion that we are okay with). But these "projects" have always been few and usually seasonal: Christmas, Thanksgiving, spring flowers, Halloween, etc. The rest of our time was "our time," reserved for sporting events on TV, drinking a beer, or napping.

But a silent, new enemy has been threatening this delicate balance...

Pintrest.

This growing terrorist organization has been recruiting our women over the last few months. This network of evil allows women to share ideas and directions for insane projects and organize them at a rate that baffles the average man and leaves them defenseless.

As individuals, we cannot defeat this monster. But as an informed, unified front, we will prevail!

We must rise up! It's time to lift our voices high and be heard! "I am a grown man! I should not spend every minute of my time at home with craft glue and glitter on my fingers! I shall no longer see salmon, avocado, and Merlot as colors, but rather as the delicious foods they are! The only things I am "clipping" and "tossing" this weekend are my toe nails!"

The M.E.N. is also working to provide an online response to this Evil Empire. "MENTRIST" will allow men to share ideas and plans for "man projects."

"Silhouettes for your tools on your peg board: know when she has used your tools without asking."

"Picture in picture in picture in Picture: Watch pre-season football and the MLB playoffs simultaneously."

"The best place to keep 30 year old scotch: Your belly."

Stay strong and we shall overcome!