There is a big difference between a single man's and a married man's idea of a night out.
You see, social settings (ie bars, clubs, etc.) are designed and marketed towards the young/single people in this world. There are few places that married men can go to have a good time "sans sponsa" that won't offer up a fight later when they get home.
For a single guy, it's all geared towards hope and fantasy. They will put on their striped button down shirt, nicest blue jeans and walk down the club district with their "entourage" look-alikes. They "hope" that some female will look at them with longing. They maintain the fantasy that they will be sought after, or that they will be smooth and charming and sophisticated and funny. But as they night progresses, and the drinks keep flowing, their fantasy and dreams become less and less a achievable in reality. In their hazed mind, however, they are living it out. With each Jager Bomb, they believe they are George Clooney, Denzel Washington, and Antonio Banderas all wrapped up in one smooth package. But what the women see is a high-fiving, obnoxious jack-hole that doesn't respect women or their personal space.
Married men, on the other hand, just want a night out away from everything. We don't want to stare at women or pretend we are someone that we're not. We will go out as a group wearing our logo work shirts, khakis with spaghetti sauce stains from trying to feed the little one, and a jacket with a glaze of boogers on the shoulders from holding a sick, sleeping child during church. We pass the pressed and dressed single guys on the street and we all lock eyes. Like we are a group of combat vets coming out of the fog of war, and they are the young, fresh-faced new recruits going into the jungle for the first time.
If we go to the club, we just get mad. Ultimately, one or all of the men will say, "If my daughter even THINKS about wearing something like that...."
Bars are full of the young guys that think that they have to stare down any other male and claim their territory. The bars also usually have the really drunk, "fun" girl who loudly approaches the group of married men, "What's up guys?...Oh yeah?...That's cool...You wanna buy me a drink?...No? That's okay, cause you can't have none of this anyway!...What's that? You don't want none of this?...Whatever! You don't know me!".
So where do we go? The Elks Lodge? We're not that group yet...There's always Applebee's (Neighborhood Bar and Grill)...But where are the fun places?
There is no fantasy or hope for married men when we go out. We are not trying to "pick up chicks." We have someone at home waiting for us. We don't dance. The last time we WANTED to do that was at our wedding reception. We don't have to dress up. We don't have anyone to impress. We just want to be able to drink and laugh and play bar games (darts, pool, poker, etc) with guys with bar names (Floyd, Mitch, Frank, etc).
Now, I'm not a fan of strip clubs. But I'm thinking of starting one just for married guys...Now, bear with me on this...
The girls don't get naked or dance or anything like that...
For twenty dollars, they will take you to a private room, and for five minutes, you can say whatever you want and they will agree with you. That's the married guy's real fantasy! Just to be right!
"And another thing! I think that the middle of the bathroom floor is the PERFECT place for my underwear!"
"Uh-huh"
"And don't just sit there and expect me to know that you're mad because you had a dream that I made a spaceship out of Lender's Bagels and went to the moon without you!"
"I definitely see your point...Oh! Times up..."
But all joking aside, I don't like going out without my wife. Because when you go out to have fun, why would you want to go anywhere without your best friend...
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