A Woman's Bathroom is a Sacred Place.

A woman's bathroom is a frightening place for a man.  There is a vast array of machines, devices and tools that, to men, can resemble something like a terrorist interrogation kit.  The only thing that helps soften the look of these tortuous devices is the fact that they are now made smooth and bulky with purple and pink plastic pieces scattered throughout the design.  I remember my mom's equipment growing up.  The curling iron was straight, black and hot...much like a soldering iron, or a probe from "Total Recall."

The "fairer" sex doesn't seem to get a "fair" shake when it comes to daily preparation and grooming.  I have a medicine cabinet in my bathroom with two shelves.  All of my personal hygiene and grooming utensils fit on one shelf.  The second shelf is for random things that don't belong in a medicine cabinet: receipts and tissues from my pocket piled up, old razors that should have been tossed out years ago, and loose change.  My wife's bathroom, on the other hand, has an entire wall of electric devices and primping tools. Each item has its place carefully placed for a smooth daily routine.  A man has his pegboard in the garage. A woman has the shelf and drawers and cabinets in her bathroom.  It has the same maddening, chaotic organization as a militia member's personal arsenal.

What's even more frightening is the fact that they use the majority of these things on a daily basis.  I hear the roaring of the blow dryer, the clanking of makeup containers, and the clicking of different switches on a plethora of straighteners, curlers, teasers, and flatteners and a bunch of other "-ers". 

Meanwhile, I shave, brush my teeth and throw some pomade in my hair and I'm done. 

And that doesn't even include what's in her shower. Pre-wash lotions, body scrubs, foot scrubs, face scrubs, shampoo, conditioner, color treatment, body wash, exfoliates, loofahs, pumice stones, lady razors...she has an entire "Bath and Body Works" in her shower!  I have a bottle of "hair and body wash" in mine because, frankly, I'm just too lazy to have to open two bottles during my shower. 

And what is that thing that looks like a cheese grater?  I used her shower once and saw that thing.  After a while, I painfully ruled out some obviously incorrect uses....

Ask a woman, "Why do you do all that to yourself?"  Almost every time, she will tell you, "Because I want to feel pretty."  But I don't think that's the real reason...

It's really in hope that we men will TELL them that they are pretty.  You see, guys, we are the reason they put themselves through all of those processes everyday.  And we are so pompous and self-centered that we rarely acknowledge it.  We expect it, when in actuality, we should be thanking them every morning that they care so much for us that they would go through all of that for our hairy, stinky kind.  So, try to give them the response that they are hoping for...

"Honey, you are beautiful."