Corpus call-"awesome"!

(NOTE:  I had an amazing post about Father's Day all lined up a few days ago, but then, just as I was ready to hit the "post" button, my system rebooted unexpectedly and I lost everything.  And with all the commotion in my home, I could not even begin to think of rebuilding the train of thought I was on.  Suffice it to say, I was pampered with a trip to an amusement park with my kids and wife and it was a spectacular Father's Day. 

So, I missed posting about Dad's Day...Oh, well...Frankly, I am so awesome in my home, that every day is Father's Day, anyways...)

I have always known something about marriage, but I have to, every so often, put myself into a situation to reaffirm that I have been right all this time.  Men are not allowed to make decision regarding home decor, whatsoever.  Never.  We can be "included" in the decision making process. Meaning, we will be given an opportunity to voice our opinion about three predetermined choices.  Our opinion is heard, but very seldom is in the right one.  But, we are never allowed to make decisions alone and unsupervised. 

And this is not a negative thing about women.  It's the whole corpus callosum thing.  The corpus callosum is the tissue that separates the two hemispheres of the brain.  It allows communication between the two sides.  Science has shown that men have a thinner corpus callosum and women's are wider.  The wider the corpus callosum, the more "cross-talk" that can happen between the two sides.  This is a scientific explanation for "women's intuition."  This also is why women are able to multi-task and make emotional connections to things that men would seem to see as only inanimate objects.

For example, if a man is walking through a store and sees, let's say, a candle, and he likes the way the candle looks and smells, he will buy the candle.  That's because he sees what he likes and assumes that if he likes it, his wife will like it, too.  Our thin corpus callosum doesn't relay the emotional connection of "wife" to the non-emotional connection of "candle."  A woman, however, will have to think about every possible way that the candle will change her existence as a person before making the $7.99 purchase.  The decision to buy a candle could last days, weeks, or even possibly months.  She will send pictures to her mom and friends to get their input.  It has to "speak" to her personally.  And if the man buys the candle, his wife will most likely not agree with desicion.  Not only because it was the wrong candle to begin with, but also because he made the decision without her and that turns the purchase of a simple, centuries-long form of lighting into an emotional runaway train ride that stops peridocially at phrases like, "Don't you know me at all?" and "You never really pay attention to me, do you?," and "Can't you see what I've been trying to do in this house for the last year?"

And it's the last one that, I believe, really hits it on the head.  Women's wide corpus callosum allows them to, essentially, see into the future.  They can plan fifteen months in advance for the redecoration of one room.  All the way down to the tiniest details of candle selection.  Every single thing that they do will eventually cause the room to come full circle.  Men cannot do this.  That's why, when I was single, every piece of furniture in my apartment was completely mismatched.  I had a pea-green dresser in my bedroom!  But, when I saw it, I thought, "Hmmm...I need a dresser...and it's free...Yep, I'll take it!"  (And I must say that the green really complimented the Burgundy chester I had already procured from the old neighbor who didn't want to move it.) 

So, men, the next time you are strolling solo down the picture frame aisle at Target (And you know you will...It's impossible to not be hypnotized by their selection of frames), and you see a brushed nickel frame in a sunburst design and you think, "She said we needed a mirror for the hallway," just walk on by.  The possibility that you can randomly pick the one thing that she had in mind for that one particular spot in that one specific room is a million to one.  And if you do, by chance, happen to succeed in your decision, run out immediately and buy a lotto ticket...or a cigar and a 30 year old scotch, because you'll want to celebrate that impossible feat like real man!