I want it now!

I've become extremely selfish since kids and marriage.  Ask any man in that phase of their life and they will probably tell you the same.  And it they don't, they are lying to you.  All married men with children are selfish.  But you would never know it by looking at them.  That's because we are so giving.  Confused, yet?  Let me explain.

As husbands and fathers, we men spend our days giving and doing and buying and thinking for our families.  We will spend an hour untangling the string on a yo-yo.  We have taken countless trips to the store for feminine hygiene products.  We will sit and listen for what seems like hours to pointless stories that have no bearing on our survival as a person, whatsoever.  But, when we are by ourselves, in independent cirmustances, we will suck every opportunity for what It's worth.

But because of our aforementioned duties, we have learned to do it stealthily.

For instance, my wife and I eat ice cream together almost every night.  It's our "mini-date" for the evening.  I've always scooped the ice cream into the bowls, because my wife says that I make "perfect balls."  And I don't have any problem with it...regardless of how long or hard I've worked, whether or not I'm ill, or even if I have a physical ailment that prevents normal mobility...I always do it.  Because I'm a great husband, and that's what we do.  What she has never known, though, is that as I'm scooping in the kitchen, I always put more in my bowl.  It's just my little way to think of myself ahead of others.

Have you ever seen that guy at a store or the movies or any service industry setting at all?  You know, the guy with the wedding ring on, and no self-awareness of his terrible selection in clothing (dads have given up creating any real sense of style) and the heavy amount of grey hair for only being in his early thirties?  He is the first person that will completely lose his mind when something goes awry with his order.  He can't help it!  He spends every waking moment trying to please everyone in his life that he cannot hold himself back when it's his time to be served.

So, the next time you ladies see your man taking all of the unbroken Doritos out of the bag, leaving nothing but the little cool ranch flavored shards that can only be eaten out of the palm your hand, quietly let him have it.  And when he starts to raise his voice to the flight attendant because Sprite is NOT Sierra Mist, just look the other way.  And on the occasion that he puts only his clothes in the first load of laundry and leaves yours in a finely separated pile in the corner of the bedroom, knowing there may not be any chance of finishing yours by day's end...Okay, I'll admit...That's just being a jerk...