Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day; the day we designate for the women in our lives who have given us life, or life to those whom we hold dear.  And even though this blog is about being a husband and a father, I think it's important to pay tribute to the moms.  Because without them, we men would not be fathers...or sons...or anything for that matter...We would LITERALLY be nothing without the moms of the world...In fact, I dare to say, that without my mother, I wouldn't be where I am today...

So, to make this Mother's Day special, I have decided to bring in a "guest blogger."  My two year old, James, has been bugging me over and over to have a crack at a post, and I figured what better day than this.  So, without further ado, I am proud to release this Daddy J and Baby J exclusive:


Let me start by saying, I love my dad.  He's funny and hard working and has blessed me with his intimidatingly handsome looks.  But, he's no mom.  I mean, he tries...He really does...But there's somethings that only Mom can do. 


I poop my pants.  A lot.  I've maintained my amateur status thus far, but only because I prefer to stay true to the art and not get sucked into the commercialism of the pros.  And no matter what I eat, and no matter how much it has "peculated," Dad cannot control his gagging.  Every time he changes me, it's as if he's never seen poop before.  "Oh, Sweet Humberto!  Bah!  It's so bad!  I think I can taste it.  It's smell is so terrible that I can feel it moving through my skull and melting my eyes from the inside!"...What a drama queen...Mom, on the other hand, keeps me honest to my wok by keeping a stone face, no matter what I throw at her.  Not only is she my biggest critic, she's also my biggest fan.  "Good Job!" she will always exclaim every time she unfastens the adhesive strips covering Elmo's face.  (And, for all the parents out there, just remember:  Dirty diapers are like the New Radicals song..."You always get what you give.")


And Mom cooks better than Dad.  Well, it's not that  Dad's culinary skills are poor.  It's just the SAME THING day after day.  I know when he says that he's cooking, I can count on spaghetti, mac 'n' cheese, or chicken nuggets.  And even though I love those things, a little variety would be nice.  But trying something new is not Dad's strongest point.  A creature of habit, Dad is more predictable that a third-season episode of the A-Team.  My mom is always willing to try something new.  She's constantly buying cookbooks, re-pinning recipes and watching Food Network for ideas.  And the crock-pot!  When that crock-pot gets fired up, I'm like Pavlov's dog; just slobbering all over the house.  They should change the name to "Crack-Pot," because I just can't stop eating anything she makes in that thing. 


But, the biggest difference between the two is my mom's ability to put me down to sleep.  Dad creates shadow puppets, has my stuffed animals talking to each other and makes funny faces while we're laying down.  I wish he would get the hint that all of that is fun, but it's not going to get me to sleep any faster.  Mom can get me down in no time, flat.  She sings me to sleep with the "Hail, Mary!" song.  She caresses my face and hair.  She kisses me gently.  And, let me tell you, there is nothing more soothing than the feeling that you are truly and sweetly loved, eternally.  How could you not fall asleep to that?  I mean, when you know that someone is there, making sure that you are always taken care of and would do anything to keep you happy and safe, it's the most relaxing thing in the world.

I love my dad, but I am forever a "Mama's Boy."  I will never love anyone the way that I love you, Mom.  And I can't wait to show you everything that you have taught me as I grow up.  I'm going to make you as proud of me as I am of you.  And, when you get really old, I'll even change your diaper without gagging...Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

- James "Mijjy" Sallman